I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
