Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
