the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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