6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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