i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
