dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
