I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
