just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
