We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
