U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
