Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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