What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
