First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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