I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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