my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
