Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
