i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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