It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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