just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
