I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
