When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Be still, my beating vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
