Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
