How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
