I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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