so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
should my penis look like a turkey
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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