working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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