Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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