the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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