just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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