So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
