Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My balls are so social today.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
