if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
