Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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