Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he thought i was a dude.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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