Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't deserve a penis
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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