went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
