If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you had me at cake vodka
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
