In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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