Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
