I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
