What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
