have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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