i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
