I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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