Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
