someone threw a dead crab at me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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