That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
