Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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