Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
