Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
