I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need moral support for this bender
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
