I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
