My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
