A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize