Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
