I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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