well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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