is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
