Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
