why didn't you poke me back
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
