Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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