So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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