Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
