Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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