I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize