Where did you get a picture of my penis
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
