i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize