i was born a porn star she said
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
