took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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