I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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