Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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