i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
