There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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