you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize