i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
