So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
