We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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