Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
