Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
