In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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