The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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