I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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