What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
