So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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