All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize