i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
