some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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