careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
