walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
