around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize