So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
