In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
did i just pee glitter
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
