We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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