Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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