The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
