i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
