i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
