just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
