Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize