why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
