Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
