To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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