i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
