I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
