I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
