Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
