I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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