peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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