sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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