Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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