Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
